After the Break: Living Through the Ache of a Heart That Loved Deeply

I didn’t expect mornings to feel so empty.

Not just the absence of their toothbrush or their laugh echoing down the hall, but the space they took up in my mind. The way my thoughts still reach for them before I even open my eyes.

Losing someone you loved deeply isn’t just emotional—it rearranges your entire world.

Whether it was the end of a marriage, a long-term relationship, or a love you thought would last—it hurts.

And the hurt doesn’t show up in just one way.

The Hardest Part of Breaking Up

People think the hardest part is the moment of the breakup. But really, it’s what comes after:

• Making coffee for one

• The silence where a “goodnight” used to be

• Realizing no one’s checking in to see if you got home okay

• Seeing your future, once vivid, now blurred or gone entirely

• Who the heck am I going to text all the nonsense of my day to?

  
  

It’s not just the loss of a person—it’s the loss of routines, identity, safety, belonging. Your whole nervous system misses them, even when you know the relationship needed to end.

How It Affects Our Minds and Thoughts

After a breakup, your thoughts often become loud and unkind:

• “Why wasn’t I enough?”

• “Should I have fought harder?”

• “What if I never feel that kind of love again?”

  
  

Concentration slips. Decision-making feels impossible. Even small tasks—eating, showering, returning a text—can feel overwhelming. Heartbreak has a way of hijacking our brains and flooding us with doubt.

The Spiritual and Emotional Fallout

Heartbreak isn’t just mental—it’s spiritual. You might find yourself questioning everything:

• Who am I without them?

• Was any of it even real?

• Does God still see me?

• Will I ever feel whole again?

  
  

The grief lives in your chest. It’s in the tears you cry at stoplights. In the ache when your song comes on. In the longing that wakes you in the middle of the night.

I’m happily married now with three beautiful kids, but writing this blog brings me back. I remember those nights when I cried out to God, “My heart feels like it’s physically breaking—it hurts.” And in the same breath, I’d whisper, “And God, for the times I’ve caused pain, please heal them... and take this guilt from me."

The bargaining, oh the bargaining. God if you just fix this, make this right between us, I promise… I could still hear my early 20 something year old self bargaining.

“It is not advisable to attempt to carry the burden of sorrow and mental pain without Divine help, for its weight is more than the personality can bear. The simplest and most effective of all prescriptions for heartache then is to practice the presence of God. This will soothe the ache in your heart and ultimately heal the wound” (Vincent Peale, The Power of Thinking Positive, pg. 198).

“You can’t stop loving someone just because they’ve stopped loving you.” — Unknown

The Ways We Try to Cope (That Sometimes Hurt More)

In the raw aftermath, it’s easy to reach for something—anything—to numb the pain:

• Rebounding quickly, trying to replace instead of grieve

• Scrolling endlessly, avoiding the silence

• Drinking too much, sleeping too little, nights of partying and dancing, mornings of hangover and regret

• Pushing people away, or clinging too tightly - or somehow both at the same time
  

These coping strategies don’t mean you’re weak. They mean you’re in pain.

“There is indeed a ‘prescription’ for heartache. One element in the prescription is physical activity. The sufferer must avoid the temptation to sit and brood…Get busy walking, riding, swimming, playing - get the blood coursing through your system” (Peale, pg. 197).

How Therapy Can Help After a Breakup or Divorce

Therapy won’t rush your healing—but it will hold your hand through it.

In therapy, you can:

• Grieve safely, without judgment

• Unpack patterns, attachment wounds, or codependency

• Explore your identity outside of the relationship (I can still hear myself saying “but who am I now”)

• Learn to regulate the storm of emotions (tornado of emotions?)

• Gently rebuild self-worth, one truth at a time
  

At Stone to Bloom Counselling, we understand the rawness of heartbreak. We know how much it takes to get out of bed, let alone begin again. You don’t have to do this alone.

The Possible Results of Therapy (Yes, Even Now)

Healing after a deep heartbreak doesn’t mean forgetting them. It means:

• Finding peace in your memories

• Reclaiming your voice

• Laughing again

• Falling in love with your own life

• Trusting yourself to love (and be loved) in new ways someday

  
  

Therapy offers space for both your pain and your becoming.

“An excellent and normal release from heartache is to give way to grief. [...] It is natural to cry when pain or sorrow comes. It is a relief mechanism provided in the body by Almighty God and should be used” (Peale, pg.197).

A Gentle Closing

If your heart is broken right now, please know: There is no shame in loving deeply. There is no shame in grieving honestly. There is no shame in needing help.

You are allowed to fall apart. You are also allowed to rebuild—slowly, softly, and in your own time.

If you're ready, we’re here. To listen. To hold hope. To walk with you toward healing.