the loneliness and toxicity of cellphones and their affects on relationships

Are we really connecting?

“He won’t even look up when I talk.”

“She sleeps with her phone in her hand.”

“We lie next to each other, scrolling... and I’ve never felt more alone.”

As a therapist, I hear these statements often, not just from couples, but from individuals and families who come to therapy heartbroken. The pain they describe isn't always caused by betrayal, trauma, or abuse. Sometimes, it stems from something far more subtle but equally damaging: the phone.

What once connected us now often pulls us apart. The presence of a glowing screen is slowly replacing eye contact, real conversation, and emotional intimacy. It’s one of the most common, and underestimated, sources of distress I see in my therapy room.

"The more connected we are digitally, the more disconnected we become emotionally."

— Sherry Turkle, clinical psychologist and author of Reclaiming Conversation

How Cell Phones are Affecting Our Health, feelings of loneliness, connection and Relationships

Phones have shifted from tools of convenience to constant companions; yet somehow we have never felt lonelier. And while technology has its benefits, our growing dependency comes at a real cost, emotionally, mentally, physically, and spiritually.

Here are a few sobering statistics:

• A 2012 study in the Journal of Social and Personal Relationships found that simply having a phone visible during a conversation can reduce feelings of trust, empathy, and connection, even if it's not being used.

• A 2020 study published in BMC Psychiatry reported that individuals who spend more than five hours a day on their phones are twice as likely to suffer from anxiety and depression.

• On average, people check their phones 144 times per day - about once every 6 to 7 minutes during waking hours.

• The term "phubbing" (phone snubbing) was coined to describe the act of ignoring someone in favor of your phone. Studies show that this behavior contributes to emotional dissatisfaction in relationships and lower levels of partner connection.

What I See in the Therapy Room

At Stone to Bloom, I work with couples who deeply love each other but feel invisible in their own homes. They’re not fighting constantly, they’re simply being ignored. They’re bidding for connection with each other, often in small ways: a glance, a sigh, a question at the end of the day. But the response is often delayed, distracted, or completely absent, replaced by a phone.

I also see parents who feel guilty and overstimulated. Individuals who can’t seem to relax, even when they’re exhausted. Families sitting together but living separately - each behind their own screen.

This constant digital presence is interfering with our ability to be present with ourselves and with each other.

“We expect more from technology and less from each other.”

— Sherry Turkle, Alone Together

The Impact on the Whole Self

The effect of phone overuse goes beyond relationships. It touches every part of our well-being.

Physically: Blue light exposure before bed disrupts sleep. Poor posture from screen use causes chronic neck and back pain.

Mentally: Constant access to social media fuels comparison, distraction, and low self-worth.

Emotionally: Notifications and content overload overstimulate the nervous system, reducing our capacity to regulate and connect.

Spiritually: Stillness becomes rare. Our inner world becomes noisier, and reflection is replaced with consumption.

We were not designed to be constantly available, endlessly distracted, or emotionally fragmented. Yet for many of us, this is now our default state.

Are you seeing it yet: the loneliness and toxicity of cellphones and their affects on relationships?

"Cell phones bring you closer to the people far from you, but take you away from those sitting next to you."

— Unknown

how Stone to Bloom Can Help

If you feel overwhelmed by how much your phone dictates your life, you’re not alone -and it’s not a personal failure. At Stone to Bloom, I help clients explore the why behind their phone habits, and what they’re truly seeking: relief, distraction, connection, control, or escape.

Together, we can work on:

• Rebuilding emotional intimacy with partners and family

• Setting healthy boundaries around phone use and digital availability

• Creating phone-free rituals that support presence and calm

• Developing deeper self-awareness and emotional regulation

• Reclaiming time and space for what matters most

The work is not about giving up your phone. It’s about learning to use it with intention - without allowing it to control your relationships, your energy, or your sense of self.

You’re Allowed to Disconnect

You don’t have to respond to every message right away. You don’t need to be accessible 24/7.You’re allowed to carve out moments of silence, slowness, and connection.

If your phone is interfering with your well-being or relationships, it’s okay to ask for support. Therapy can help you reconnect - not just with others, but with yourself.

Let’s work together to find balance and build meaningful boundaries in a world that constantly pulls your attention elsewhere. You deserve peace, presence, and real connection.

As a therapist, I talk a lot about presence, but living it at home is where the real work happens.

Over time, I noticed how often I was checking my phone out of habit. I could feel the distance the phone was creating. Not just between me and my family, but between me and myself.

So I started creating boundaries. I put my phone in another room during family meals. I set "do not disturb" hours in the evenings. I let my clients know I don’t respond to texts after work hours, and I honor that boundary with love and respect. Social media? It has its time and place, but it doesn't get to interrupt my peace anymore.

These small changes weren’t about perfection. They were about intention. About showing my kids what it looks like to be present. About giving my husband the full attention our connection deserves. About reminding myself that I’m not here to live through a screen, I’m here to feel my life fully.

It’s not always easy, but it's been one of the most loving things I’ve done for myself and the people I care about.

If you need support, let me lovingly guide you to setting boundaries so that you can live your life fully as well.

With love,

Anna Nelson

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